Today, I compiled all the final wishes my exes gave me before we parted. I was a bit nervous to dig that far… and I was hesitant to see what I would find… but it was actually very therapeutic to look back into the past. I found that some posts were extremely ridiculous, some were incredibly sad, and others… actually a bit scary.
I wasn’t trying to paint anyone or any gender in a bad light really… So I kept it anonymous. (except for one… hahaha) I mean, I am not perfect either. But, these “final wishes” actually happened and these relationships are key to making me who I am today. I think, this zine is a way of saying good bye to any bad feelings (if I even had any) that I had. I have always thought that if I can look back and laugh, I am fully over it.
Regardless, this was really fun to collect. I look back and think of how much I’ve grown. I look back and think of how much happier I am.
My last page has the phrase “You’ll never find anyone better than me.” This particular phrase was said to me more than once from different people. It always confuses me when I hear that. In a sense, its good that a person can be so confident… and in another sense, its sort of narrow-minded and narcissistic. There a thousands of people in the world. I hope in other people’s lives they can learn to find happiness and not settle when they know deep inside that a relationship is not what it should be.
Lastly, I did find someone actually. And he is literally everything I needed in a partner and more. I am extremely lucky to have him in my life and it puts everything in perspective. So… IN YOUR FACE!
I made my secret admirer zine today! I skipped school because of some food poisoning I got last night. I really wanted to get a lot done today because the zine fest is coming up soon and I have a lot to do. However, I managed to make my first zine!! I had written this a while time ago for a certain someone…
Writing letters was a very popular thing when I was in high school. I think everyone had a limit on texts so people were constantly passing notes to one another. I had diaries with some of my friends we’d pass to each other in the halls. And one of my best friend at another school would pass notes to me through classmates… It was a very tedious and slow way of communicating. Everyone folded their letters so magnificently too… Those were the days.
I remember when I received my first secret admirer letter. I was at CSSSA, and I happened to meet a boy who was selling paint brushes outside the cafeteria. I would buy one every other week… and one day, he handed me a handmade booklet with drawings and text. It was so sincere and unapologetic. I was young back then… and new to feelings so, like the nooblet I still am, I dodged him every time I saw him. But, oddly enough… that letter is still very vivid in my memory. I wonder what he’s up to nowadays? I wonder if he remembers the letter he drew me.
This secret admirer zine comes with a packet of lovely stickers and heart confetti. No two packages are the same. Each are unique.
The envelopes are personalised with gold stars.
The first page is made of vellum. And each page is hand folded by me.
I drew a couple of the pages and edited them in photoshop.
There are days I remember something I’d forgotten a long time ago. I become curious about friends I used to write snail mail to or people who’d write to me. I wonder how they’re doing. I wonder what they’re up to. It takes me back to when we used to occupy each other’s space and time. Simply remembering makes me feel like time had not passed– though I often forget this may be one-sided. This feeling of nostalgia… This feeling of remembering something I’d lost… It is a good feeling. It’s one of my favorite feelings.
But… the internet is such a wonderful place. So easy. So accessible. So I stalk the person on the internet…. And get to know them all over again. Its like we are close friends again.
Today, I start my first set of letters. I’ve always loved writing snail mail… There is something very intimate and precious about receiving a message that took some time, possibly some obstacles to reach you. I love coming home to mail that I didn’t expect and reading something that took some time to write. It means that I was in your thoughts. It means you care.
I’ve already drafted a number of the letters and now all I have to do is have it become a tangible letter. I supposed the hardest part about writing and creating these letters is simply that I cannot envision the reader. The audience is so large and I want it to affect each reader, so I get conflicted as to what the content should entail and what the letter should look like. I’ve bought so many knick-knacks to add to the letter that I feel like I may have done too much! But… you can never over do snail mail…. it arrives to the reader so slow.
All of this comes to a surprise to me because I literally write snail mail every week! And it comes to me so easily when I know who I’m writing to. So… we’ll see how it goes from here. I’ll write from the bottom of my heart. That should be good enough.
If you’d like to receive some snail mail, let me know and I’ll send the first 5 people free letters. Just message me on my INSTAGRAM 🙂